What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say

The things people say during a crisis always amaze me.  I’ve heard everything from “I’m so sorry” to “So, does this mean you won’t be at the birthday party?”  In case you were wondering, the first response is always a safe bet.  If the second response is what’s in your mind, keep it there.  Don’t say that one out loud.  

So, what is the correct response when you learn someone is going through a crisis?  Honestly, the right thing to say is something.  Say something.  Say it often.  Keep on saying it.  

Andrew’s twin brother was in the hospital often before he passed away.  It became common place.  People stopped checking on me because they assumed I had it all together and was fine.  I wasn’t.  Check on your people whether they are going through something new or the same old thing.  Call them.  Text them.  Say something.  “Hey.  I’m just checking on you.”  “Good morning.  I was thinking about you.”  “Hello, friend.  Do you need anything today?”  “Sweetie, wanna talk for a few minutes?” “I don’t know how to help, but I’m here.”

Keep checking on them after the crisis has passed.  Often, the reality of their situation doesn’t sink in until they’ve sat with it for a while.  Several years after Andrew’s brother passed away someone introduced me and told a little of Brandon’s story.  It meant so much to me that she remembered Brandon and understood that he is still a part of my story.  As family members of critically ill children, we go through untreated trauma routinely.  We focus so much of ourselves on our loved on that we never realize the unmet needs we have.  Be the force in someone’s life that never stops seeking how to help.  

Say something.